A Girls Guide To D.I.Y

The weekend before last a friend of mine invited me to a GIRLS NIGHT IN party that she was throwing. No one really felt like going “out” that weekend but we still wanted to get together and have a good time, so this was perfect.

The plan was for us to meet for facials and Mani’s/Pedi’s, grab a bite to eat, stop at Wal-Mart to get matching jammies, then head over to Alicia’s house for drinks.

We got caught up on everyone’s work/school life while we were getting the Mani’s/Pedi’s and we got caught up on everyone’s family life over dinner. When we got back to Alicia’s house and the drinks started flowing that’s when we had TEA.

Alicia invited people from her job, school, her book club, and a few people from her home town. It was about 20 of us total. Some of us knew each other well, and others not so much.

Before the drinks were made the conversation was either dry and bland or those that knew each other were sitting amongst themselves chatting it up while the strangers were Facebooking.

Those of you who know me know I couldn’t have that!  We were supposed to be interacting with one another and having a good time. So Alicia and I made frozen drinks for the ladies who weren’t really drinkers and we gave shot gasses to the other ladies.

I suggested that we play a drinking game to start things off. The game that I suggested was 

“NEVER HAVE I EVER…”

HOW TO PLAY:

  1.    You get together in a circle  

  

  2.  One person says “NEVER HAVE I EVER…” and that person says something that they have never done before…

  

  3.  If other people in the group have done it… they take a shot.

  4.  Then the next person repeats the process

I went first…

“NEVER HAVE I EVER…. Slept with two men at the same time”

Honeyyyyyyy you should have seen their faces!!!! Their mouths dropped and couldn’t believe that I went there.

Everyone’s eyes scanned the room to see who would take the first shot… to our surprise Alicia was the first, then Amber, Tasha, and Kasey. We spent the next hour talking about the details of their steamy past.

We went around the room and some of the NEVER HAVE I EVERS was sexual in nature and others weren’t.

NEVER HAVE I EVER… had sex with someone outside my race.

NEVER HAVE I EVER… been camping.

NEVER HAVE I EVER… had sex in the woods.

NEVER HAVE I EVER… dined and dashed.

NEVER HAVE I EVER… MASTURBATED….

I looked at Denise in disbelief. Did she really just say what I think she said?? One after another ladies around the room started to drink. I could not believe what I was seeing.

Some said they have never masturbated because they were told it was WRONG when they were younger, others didn’t really have a reason as to why they’ve never tried it… they said that it was awkward.

I went online to my social media pages and I asked Facebook/Twitter if I could get a show of hands of how many ladies who have NEVER masturbated. I was shocked as hell at the number of Ladies who said they have yet to explore their own bodies.

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies… how do you expect HIM to know what to do to your body if YOU don’t know what to do to your body??

Women’s bodies are like cars, each one unique and different in their own way. Some cars get great gas mileage. Some cars come with wifi. Some cars you have to pump the breaks 5 times before you will come to a complete stop. Some cars you have to hold the window a certain way when rolling it up and down. Some cars you have to sweet talk like Baby Face and beg like Keith Sweat in order for them to crank.

The one thing all these cars have in common is the OWNERS MANUAL! The owner’s manual tells you all the specific details about your make and model.

Exploring your body will help you learn what you like, what you don’t like, and what it takes to get you to where you need to be.

Here are a few tips, tricks, and suggestions to help you on your journey of self-discovery.

  1.    Clean your bathroom and bedroom and put fresh sheets on the bed.

I don’t know about you, but the best feeling in the world is clean sheets rubbing against freshly shaved legs! It feels like Heaven on Earth.

  2.  If you can, go get a massage and a mani/pedi. Or give yourself the mani/pedi.

I don’t know want Sue Kim does, but I always feel like a million bucks after she does my mani/pedi. I feel super feminine when my hands and feet are done. I make myself FEEL sexy so that I can FEEL sexy (.wink.)You get pretty when you get ready to let your mate explore your body, do the same for yourself. Treat yourself, don’t cheat yourself!

  3.  Get a bottle of your drink of choice. (Wine or my personal fav Rum)

Some may need a bit of liquid courage to help move things along.

  4.  Light some candles in the bathroom, and take a nice long hot bath. (play a bit of jazz/r&b)

Kick back in the tub and relax. Clear your mind. Enjoy the music.

  5.  Rub your body down with your fav Bath and Body Works or Victoria Secrets body butter.

Amber Romance is my personal fav 

  6.  Put on your sexy panties and bra (or not)

  7.  Light the candles in your room or grab the black/red light out of your BLACK BOX.

You have to set the mood.

  8.  Decide If you are going to watch porn, read a bit of erotica, or use your imagination to kick things into gear.

Porn Hub

Literotica

  9.  Decide if you are going to use your hands or use toys.

Whatever you feel most comfortable using.

Ladies please take time to explore your body. We all hate when our mates don’t take time to explore every inch of our bodies when we are being intimate with them. You can’t show him/her what you like if you haven’t discovered it yourself.

Do you enjoy your nipples being played with? 

Do you like them pinched, squeezed, twisted, or pulled? How much is too much? Do you favor the left one over the right or would you rather no contact at all?

Can you orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone or does your body require penetration? Or both?

When it comes to clitoral stimulation do you prefer direct contact? Do you enjoy a light touch moving in circles, a medium touch moving up and down, or a rough touch moving side to side?

As you grow closer to orgasm do you require your nipples to be stimulated at the same time in order to push you over the top?

How many times do you like to be on the edge of your seat before you finally have an orgasm?

Do you know where your G-spot is?

All of these questions can be answered via self-discovery.

Ladies why do guys get to have all the fun? Guys know exactly what it takes to get them where they need to be. A guy can tell you exactly how long it takes for him to “finish”

“IF IM TRYING TO GET ONE AND GO… ALL I NEED IS 2min and 11sec”

“IF IM TRYING TO ENJOY MYSELF… 27min and 43sec”.

Women are blessed with beautiful bodies and hand sculpted curves. It’s time we learned how to personally navigate those curves. You know what they say… practice makes perfect!

Rub.

Touch.

Caress.

Grope.

Feel.

Pat.

Stroke.

Pinch.

Lick.

Squeeze.

Taste.

Scratch.

Fondle.

Bite.

Grab.

Flick.

Tickle.

Enjoy.

-Stacie Stiletto

Is Porn Cheating?

While pornography can be addicting, pornography can have positive effects on a relationships because it can open communication about your partners’ wants, needs, and desires, it can spice up your sex life, and it can possibly stop your mate from physical infidelity.

First, pornography can have positive effects on a relationship because it opens communication about your partners’ wants, needs, and desires. The Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography defined pornography as “material predominantly sexually explicit and intended for purposes of sexual arousal” (1986. Pp. 228-229). The term sex was the most frequently searched word on the internet (“Sex is the most searched term on the web,” 2002). An estimated 40 million Americans view pornography on a regular basis (Ropelato, 2011). One of the main reasons couples have issues in their relationship, outside of money issues, is because they are not satisfied sexually. They are not satisfied because they do not know how to bring up the subject of what they want. If a couple were to watch pornography together then they may not feel as embarrassed and/or shy about talking about the things they desire. Liza Featherstone writes in You, Me and Porn Make Three, that adult material can be a healthy outlet for sexual fantasy, and can even possibly bring a couple closer together. You both may secretly want the same things, but are afraid to tell the other because you are not sure of what their reaction may be. Benjamin and Thusten (2010) did a study about the positive impact of couples indulging in pornography together. Participants in the study said that viewing adult material together helped them learn how to better satisfy their mate.

Additionally, it can spice up your sex life. Indulging in adult materials with your mate allows you to explore each other’s fantasies. Pornography can inspire you to try new things with your sexual partner. You can experience the wild side of life without ever having to leave the comfort of your own home. Pornography can be used as a learning tool in the relationship. You may not be able to successfully articulate exactly what you want to your partner but a picture is worth a thousand words. If you are putting forth an effort to ensure that your mates wants needs and desires are being met and in turn they are putting forth an effort to ensure that your wants needs and desires are being met, then that will help the two of you form a stronger intimate bond.

Finally, the most important reason pornography can have positive effects on a relationships is it can possibly stop your mate from physical infidelity. Some women are uncomfortable with their spouse indulging in pornography. One reason that women are uncomfortable with their husbands watching porn is because they are insecure and feel as if the women on the videos and/or magazines may be more attractive than they are and that they are unable to compete with them. Wives may feel as if their partner is committing adultery if they are looking at adult themed materials. The Merriam-Webster definition of adultery is “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or a married woman and someone other than her husband.” Ross Douthat writes in Is Pornography Adultery, that if watching a woman perform sex acts in front of you is cheating then watching it on your TV should be cheating as well. Douthat also states that although the husband may be cheating sexually, worse forms of infidelity are being averted. He is not getting emotionally involved with another woman, there is no risk of him catching a sexual transmitted disease and unknowingly giving it to you, and there is no chance of him accidently creating a baby out of wedlock. 

Wives should not focus on the woman on the screen, rather the act that is being performed on the screen. She should ask her mate what about that particular scenario is appealing to them.  Men generally participate in these extracurricular activities because their mates are unwilling and/or uninterested in doing certain things in the bedroom.

In the article You, Me and Porn Makes Three, Liza states that couples talk about, strategize, and compromise on many issues in the relationship like how money is spent, how many children they will have, where they will raise the children, but they never discuss their intimacy needs. It doesn’t have to be a formal contract mapping out when, where, how often, and what specific acts will be performed. You just need to have a general idea of the others expectations so neither one of you ends up feeling hurt and/or neglected.

          Applying the emotivism perspective to pornography in relationships, the wife is uncomfortable with the material there for it is wrong and her mate is committing adultery. This perspective would fit hand in hand with the deontology theory. The wife would argue that she would not continue to do something that made her partner feel uncomfortable or inadequate.

To apply the utilitarianism theory to adult material in relationships, the wife will agree that there are worse things her spouse could be doing.

          Indeed, while pornography can be addicting, pornography can have positive effects on a relationships. Beggan, J.K. writes in “What sort of man reads Playboy” that male readers indicated a lack of stereotyping women and correct information about women, sex and relationships proved to be extremely educational. The positive benefits of indulging in adult material together outweigh the negative.

References

Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography (1986). Final report. Washington, DC: Government Printing Office.

Beggan, J. K.,& Allison, S. T. (2013) “What sort of man reads Playboy?” The self-reported influence of Playboy on the construction of masculinity. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 11, 189-206

Benjamin, O., & Thusten, D. (2010). Intimacy and/or degradation Heterosexual images of togetherness and women’s embracement of pornography. Sexualities. 13, 599-623

Butler, M. E., Holm, J. E., & Ferraro, F. R. (fall 2011). 

Pornography's Immediate Effect on Relatinship Satisfaction. Psi Chi Journal of Undergraduate Research, 16(3), 113-122. - See more at: http://reffor.us/index.php#sthash.VAKPzQR0.dpuf

Douthat, R. (Oct 2008). 

Is Pornography Adultery? The Atlantic, 302 (3), 80.

Featherstone, L. (2005). 

You, Me and Porn Make Three. Psychology Today.

Ropelato, J. (2011). 

Internet pornography statistics-TopTenReviews Internet Filter Software Review-TopTenReviews. Retrieved from http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornographystatistics.html

‘Sex’ is the most searched term on the web (2002). Cyber India Online Limited. Retrieved from http://www.ciol.com